Know Your Mage
by Piece Bot
Summary: Fred and George have decided to run a show. A show which involves different wizards and witches being insulted for the audience's entertainment. Let the hilarity commence! There's something about needing soup as well.
1. Severus Snape (Piece Bot)

**Title: Know Your Mage**

**Chapter 1: Severus Snape (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_

The cloaked wizard in the centre of the barely lit-up stage grimaced as he heard those words.

_Severus Snape …_

… _never loved Lily Potter …_

"That is not true! I've always loved her!" He stamps around angrily.

Severus Snape …

… Never got in touch with Lily after Harry was born …

"Well that is true … but that's only because I hated seeing that James with her."

_Severus Snape …_

… _Is a stalker …_

"I am not! I don't stalk, I just walk around, trailing people."

Severus Snape …

… Just confirmed he is a stalker …

"I am not a stalker! I've never stalked someone in my life. Well, except for Lily … but that's getting ahead of myself!"

_Severus Snape …_

… _Just confirmed he is a stalker, again …_

"Bah! This is ridiculous!" He Apparated out of the stage.

_Now you know …_

… _Severus Snape …_

"They do not!" He screamed from somewhere.

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**This will be a collaborative story between a few different authors.**

**Piece Bot**

**Nicole Worley**

**Renn of Pell**

**Zerkoz**

**shovelgirlERB000**


	2. Hermione Granger (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 2: Hermione Granger (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_

The bushy-haired teen groaned with dismay as she heard the twins' voices. 'Please don't let this be some crazy show.' She thought to herself.

_Hermione Granger …_  
_… Failed her History of Magic OWL…_  
"How did you – I mean no! I did not."

Hermione Granger …  
… I got nothing …  
"Seriously? That's all you could think of? Wow. You must be way off your game then." She smirked a little.

_Come on Fred. You can do better than that!_  
Of course I can Fred. Just let me think a little. You go ahead.  
_Okay George._  
_Hermione Granger …_  
_… Can't do squat …_  
"I can so do squat. I am the brightest witch in my year level, as you very well know."

_George, you ready yet?_  
Nearly there … DONE!  
"What's happ-" Her question was cut short as she was flung through the air via a catapult hidden in the stage's floor.

_Where did that come from?_  
Just rigged it up.  
_Nice._  
They both hi-fived.

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**We hope that you really like this chapter.**

**Collaborative Authors:**

**Piece Bot**

**Nicole Worley**

**Renn of Pell**

**Zerkoz**

**shovelgirlERB000**


	3. Minerva McGonagall (shovelgirlERB000)

**Chapter 3: Minerva McGonagall (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_

The strict teacher stands hard-eyed in the centre of the stage, glaring around for the culprits of her sudden capture

_Minerva McGonagall …_

_… Is still in love with Douglas McGregor…_

"What?! How did you-?" she glares around, open mouthed

Minerva McGonagall…

… Always had a soft spot for the Marauders, the biggest troublemakers in Hogwarts history *whispers almost inaudibly* except us, of course …

"Well, they were brilliant students… Fred and George, you get down here NOW!"

_Minerva McGonagall …_

_… (is really scary) Needs to lighten up and find a sense of humor …_

"I do believe it was my intention to be scary; and I don't believe in frivolity. It is misguiding"

Minerva McGonagall …

… is starting to bore us …

"I'm sorry, BORE you!"

_I do believe we need a more interesting subject, George_

I do believe you're right, Fred

"What's going on?" Minerva McGonagall looks weary of the twin's mischief

A hole in the floor opens and Minerva McGonagall is swallowed by the darkness.

"That's it! You are BOTH having a lifetime's worth of detention!" Minerva McGonagall screams from the darkness

She seems to forget that we aren't at school anymore, Fred

_Age has ravaged her poor, closed mind, George_

"I can still hear you!" Minerva McGonagall shouts from the depths

_Whatever, Minnie!_

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**_I seriously hope that you like it as much as we did! This chapter was done by shovelgirlERB000_**


	4. Luna Lovegood (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 4: Luna Lovegood (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_

A girl with startling blonde hair that made it almost white stood in the centre of the stage.

_Luna Lovegood …_

_… likes being called Loony …_

"I do not. Loony is just some stupid nickname that people gave my because they thought that my name sounded a lot like Loony."

_Well that got me._

… Luna Lovegood …

… Confirmed that she likes being a Loony …

"I did not! Just because looking for Nargles is one of my hobbies doesn't make me a loony!"

_… Loony Lovegood …_

_… Really hates her original name …_

"I keep trying to tell-"

_… But hates being called Loony as well …_

"Of course I hate being called Loony that's what-

_… So I've decided to give her a new name …_

_… It starts with 'C' and ends in 'Razy' …_

"What? But that sounds like …" Her face fell as she realised what Fred said. Tears started to slide down her face.

I think that's going a teeny bit too far Fred.

_I think you're right George. Pull that lever that's next to you Luna._

Luna looked and was startled to see a lever there. She pulled it and she fell down into a hole in the floor.

"Hello Luna. How are you?"

"Professor McGonagall?"

_Have fun down there you two!_

"DETENTION!"

_Oh hush up._

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**Thanks for reading!**


	5. Ginny Weasley (Zerkoz)

**Chapter 5: Ginny Weasley (Zerkoz)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_

The red-headed freckled girl sighed.

"Is that you Fred and George?" She asked.

_Of course not!_

Really is disappointing

"Of course it is."

_Ginerva Weasley …_

… _Was WAA-AA-YY too modest about Harry's seeking skills …_

"I had a crush on him, what did you expect? And my name's Ginny!"

That was a sucky one

_Oh shut up!_

Ginny Weasley …

… Talked to an inanimate object …

"It had Tom Riddle's soul in it! It wasn't inanimate!"

_You know, we can't really win here._

Oh shut up and read the next statement!

_Ginny Weasley …_

… _Was affected the most by the dementors …_

"I was possesed by Tom Riddle the year before!"

That still doesn't …

"You know what?!" She took out her wand and pointed it at the twins.

"Reduc-"

_OKAY! JUST LEAVE! THE DOOR'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! JUST DON'T FINISH THAT SENTENCE!_

She sheathed the wand, smiled, and then hopped out of the room.

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**This chapter was Zerkoz's idea.**


	6. Fred Weasley (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 6: Fred Weasley (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage

The ginger adult stood in the epicentre of a spotlight that shone down on him. He kept tugging at his collar.

Fred Weasley …

… Seriously hates his family …

_You know … being on the other end of the insults … I know what they've been feeling now. Besides, you of all people should know I love my family more than anything, well except for that prick Percy._

Good thinking brother. Besides I did not write the script. Our illustrious leader did. So just roll with it.

Fred Weasley …

… Is a stuck-up snob …

_Now that's just mean George. Even our leader isn't that harsh, is she? Stuck-up snob … nope. SHE IS!_ Fred idly swung his fist in the air at her.

I know you're not a stuck-up snob but our leader thinks so.

Fred Weasley …

… Likes to think that jokes aren't funny …

_Oh come on! I love to tell a joke or two. Or three. Or four. Or maybe even a hundred … but that's getting off track! Next._

Fred Weasley …

… Likes Alicia Spinnet …

_How did she know? Of course I like her._

You never told me …

Fred Weasley …

… Is gay …

_Of course I'm gay. I'm happy all the time!_

I think she meant the other type …

_Oh! No then I'm not._

Are there any more insults? George turns the page to see if there's anything else written. It appears that there isn't any.

I don't think there's anything else, unless she's used our invisible ink on it …

_Everything alright Georgie?_

Yeah, everything's fine. George got out one of their ink-revealers and wiped it across the page.

(This looks like it's a script for a bonus round but who could we possibly-) AHA!


	7. Zerkoz (Zerkoz)

**Chapter 7: Zerkoz (Zerkoz)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_  
The black-haired, bronze-eyed teenager groaned.  
"How did I get here?" He asked.  
_We don't know_

Zerkoz …  
... Is dumb …  
"Really? Then tell me; what does X-squared – Y-squared = X + Y ; Y = X – 1 mean?"  
_Huh?_  
"That's what I thought."

_Zerkoz …_  
_… Is insane …_  
"You're just now figuring that out? Slow."  
Really?  
_Yeah. You seem quite sane to me_  
"Itty, bitty, magical potato babies!"  
_Da fu-?_

Zerkoz …  
... Has no love life …  
"Yeah. So?"  
_Excuse me?_  
"I don't care."

Fred just sighed.  
Zerkoz is launched out of the room by a catapult floor.  
"HI HERMIONIE!"  
And goodbye Zerkoz!

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**Put who you want us to insult next in the reviews!**


	8. Piece Bot (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 8: Piece Bot (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_

"What am I doing here? ANGELA! Did you do this!?"

_Who's Angela?_

If you mean Angelina Johnson, then no, she didn't do this. If you mean someone else …

"Of course Angelina Johnson didn't do it! My own sister did!" Fred and George burst out laughing.

Oh that's a good one. Hoo hoo. Nah. We had something to do with it.

_Oh great. Why don't tell him our insults while you're at it?_

A brown-haired, moustached teenager stood in the limelight.

Piece Bot …

… Doesn't believe that his sister didn't set him up …

"Eh? What are you talking about? Of course she set me up! Mind you she's only eleven …"

_Only eleven!? When we were eleven we were pulling pranks at Hogwarts! Mind you, not on this grand scale but still._

Can we just tell him our next insult then?

_Of course George._

_Piece Bot …_

_… Hates every single person on this planet …_

"Nope. No I don't." Piece Bot began to shake his head vigorously.

Yes you do.

"No I don't"

_Will you two just shut it! Geez, we have a show to do._

Sorry Fred.

"Sorry Fred."

_NEXT!_

Piece Bot …

… Doesn't like what we're about to do him …

"What do you mean? What are you going to do to me?" Piece Bot began to grow fearful of whatever laid in store for him.

Pull the lever Fred! Fred pulled a lever on his right. A trapdoor opened beneath Piece's feet and he fell down, down, down, etc. There was a faint splash when he hit the bottom.

"CURSE YOU!" his voice echoed faintly out of the extremely deep hole.

Too late.

_I already pulled the lever._

Uh, Fred?

_What?_

I meant this lever. He pointed over to the lever on the other side of the booth.

_Oh. Whoops._

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**Put who you want us to insult next in the reviews!**


	9. Dolores Umbridge (shovelgirlERB000)

**Chapter 9: Dolores Umbridge (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage…_

The pink, pudgy witch stands stoutly in the centre of the stage… 'I am a member of the ministry of magic! I demand that you release me at ONCE' she shouts pointlessly, waving around a fat wand.

_Dolores Umbridge…_  
_… Is half Erkling (see Magical Beasts and Where to Find Them [Newt Scamander], page 27) …_  
"What! Who told you that?" she flusters, turning beet red at being revealed as a halfbreed, like the ones she hates so much before calming down.

"We must not tell lies now, must we?" she asks sweetly  
_Shut up, pink thing_

She splutters in outrage

Dolores Umbridge…  
… only likes cats because she has never had anyone to love and has become like the old cat woman who lives down your street…  
"Who told you this! Who told you this!" she screams, her face turning red

"I demand on behalf of the ministry that you drop this stupid act and let me go!" she stamps her foot on the ground like a little child  
_Are you thinking what I'm thinking, George?_  
I believe I am, Fred  
The twins smirk evilly before pulling the lever on the left.

A trapdoor we are now familiar with opens up beneath the pudgy pink horror and she falls into a deep black hole.

"Who's this?" asks McGonagall boredly.

"I demand on the ministry of magic that you release me at ONCE!" shouts the pudgy pink horror from the depths of the hole

"Nooooooo!" groan the holes previous inhabitants

_Have fun, you three!_

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**Put who you want us to insult next in the reviews!**


	10. shovelgirlERB000 (shovelgirlERB000)

**Chapter 10: shovelgirlERB000 (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage…_

The bronze-haired, grey eyed teen stands in the centre of the stage, looking around and preparing herself for the onslaught of insults she knows is coming

_shovelgirlERB000…_  
_… Likes One Direction…_  
shovelgirlERB000 promptly turns around and throws up

_Or not…_

shovelgirlERB000…  
… is friends with most of the school wierdos and outcasts…  
"errr… that's supposed to be insulting?"  
Yeah…  
"Well, whoever writes your script will be getting a dictionary for Christmas."  
What for?  
"So they can look up the word 'insulting' and come up with better insults."  
_Can we get a move on!_  
"Why should we? I don't see the point."  
_There is no point!_  
"Then why are we doing this if there is no point?"  
*echoing silence* _… it's… funny?_  
"That's what I thought; you two have no clue. Could you show me where the door is?"  
The twins smirk mischievously and shovelgirlERB000 is instantly nervous  
"What are you doing?"  
_Showing you the way out_

Pull the lever!

Fred pulled the lever on his right. Again. A trap door opened up and shovelgirlERB000 fell through the floor.

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" she shouted, laughing her head off on the way down, seeming to thoroughly enjoy herself.

_Is she alright in the head, George?_  
Not sure, particularly since she seems to be enjoying falling…

A faint splash echoes somewhere down below…

"Who has those lugnuts thrown in here this time?" Says a voice from somewhere in the gloom.  
"Oh, hey Piece Bot,"  
"Hello shovelgirl. Did you bring any soup?" Piece Bot sneezes.

AGAIN? You pulled the wrong lever AGAIN! Fred hung his head in shame.  
I'm actually related to you? Fred's spirits lifted and he nodded.  
_And you love me for my idioticness, dontcha, George?_  
You just keep thinking that…  
_HEY!_ A loud crash is heard from behind the mirrored wall.

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**Put who you want us to insult next in the reviews!**


	11. Ron Weasley (shovelgirlERB000)

**Chapter 11: Ron Weasley (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

**A/N: As requested by digigirl02**

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_Know your mage, know your mage, know you mage…_

The red haired, freckly boy with long gangly arms and a smudge of dirt on his nose stood in the centre of the stage…

_Ron Weaseley…_  
_… has a serious crush on Hermione Granger…_  
"Wha- I do not! I just admire her brains, and her looks… and her…" he got a dreamy look on his face. Fred and George sniggered.

_Wow, our little brother's TOTALLY whipped!_ They rolled around on the floor in silent laughter, clutching their now aching sides.

Ron Weasley…  
… has a pet achromantula called Fluffy…  
Ron snapped out of it quickly "nu huh, no way in HELL will I EVER come into contact with another Aragog!"

_Who's Aragog?_  
Who knows?  
"One of Hagrid's pets; an achromantula" Ron shudders at the memory.

_Ron Weasley…_  
_… purposely concealed the identity of Peter Pettigrew so that he would have a pet…_  
"What? I didn't do that! Scabbers was a deceitful little rat!"  
_Whatever Ron!_

Ron Weasley ...  
... REALLY doesn't like what we are about to do to him ...  
"Why? Fred? George? What're you doing?" he looks around anxiously.

_Why, we're reuniting you with your one true love!_ The twins smirk evilly as George, not Fred this time, pulled the lever to his left and poor Ron was flung from the stadium and into the air.

"Ron?"  
"O-o-oh h-hi Hermione,"  
"You too, huh?" said Zerkoz.  
"Yep."

Maybe it will work out between those two ...  
_Yeah, in Ron's itty bitty baby dreams!_


	12. George Weasley (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 12: George Weasley (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_

The other twin took to the stage and gave a slight bow.

_Okay … that's enough of that._

_George Weasley …_  
_… Likes Luna Lovegood …_

What? Since when? I've always liked Angelina Johnson

_Don't shoot the messenger. Remember, our leader came up with the script._

Oh yeah … heh heh

_George Weasley …_  
_… Hates jokes almost as much as his insulting brother … wait … what!?_

Yep. That proves you didn't come up with the script. Besides, doesn't it normally take the two of us to come up with a script? If so, then who could come up with the script on their own?

_That's a good question, but we can think about it later. Next._

_George Weasley …_  
_… Never has time for his family …_

What!? I do so have time. I visit them at least once a week. Besides, I now know what everyone else has been feeling.

_George Weasley …_  
_… Is jealous of his brother …_

Jealous? How did- Nope I'm not jealous.

_Forge … how could you!?_

Gred … let me tell you something. I AM NOT JEALOUS!

_Just for that, I'm going to have to pull this lever._

No no no no no no no.

Fred pulled the massive lever that was beside him. George fell down into the hole.

Hello Professor. Hello Luna, wait where is Luna?

"I've got no idea. Thanks for joining me." McGonagall said

_I hope you enjoy each other's company!_

Get me out of here brother!

_Nope._

Please? It's unbearable!

George couldn't take all the arguing that McGonagall and Umbridge were doing.

_Anyway … How are they staying alive?_

Who knows. PLEASE GET ME OUT OF HERE!

In the watery prison located beside the hole …

"Hey Piecey, feeling any better?" shovelgirl asked Piecey.

"Yeah, just about." Shovelgirl sneezed.

"Oh no."

"WE NEED MORE SOUP!" shovelgirl yells up the hole.

* * *

**Put in a review who you would like us to insult next!**


	13. Dumbledore (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 13: Dumbledore (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

**A/N: As requested by Samsonkeezo**

* * *

_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_

"Who's there?" Dumbledore peered over his half-moon spectacles to try and identify the source of the voice.

_Dumbledore …_

_… Is a wrinkly old prune …_

"Wrinkly huh? That's a new one. I have been called a prune before. Actually, this reminds of this one time –"

SHUT UP!

_You do know we're meant to make the guest angry, not the other way around._

Oh and I'm not the one that drove Luna to tears!

_But, but, I had no choice! I just read the script. I didn't even write it!_

"May I interrupt?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly.

Oh you're just chipper aren't you!

_What's got your panties in a twist?_

But I don't wear panties …

Unseen by the twins, Dumbledore leant over a hole that had appeared in the floor.

"HELLOOOO DOWN THERE!" Dumbledore yelled into the hole.

"Who's that? WHOEVER YOU ARE, DID YOU BRING SOME SOUP?"

"NOPE! SORRY!" Dumbledore responded.

Where were we?

_Insulting our beloved ex-Headmaster._

Oh yeah.

Dumbledore …

… has a staggering long name …

"Yes I do. Would you like me-"

… that he doesn't know how to pronounce properly …

"Of course I can pronounce it properly! My full name is Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

_Wow. That's a mouthful._

"Isn't it just?"

Let's get rid of this old tycoon …

"Old tycoon? MR. WEASLEY! YOU MAY CALL ME A PRUNE, YOU MAY CALL ME A WRINKLY OLD FART BUT NO-ONE. I REPEAT, NO-ONE CALLS ME AN OLD TYCOON!" He began to wave his wand in a complicated manner.

Quickly Fred! THE LEVER! Fred pulled the lever that was just near his feet. A hole opened beneath Dumbledore. He dropped down into it and there was a metallic thud. Every single person in the vicinity could hear a loud countdown.

**10 …**

**9 …**

**5 …**

**3 …**

**1 …**

A huge explosion could be heard and Dumbledore was shot into the stratosphere.

Wow. A cannon. That's new.

_I panicked!_

"CAN SOMEONE SEND ME SOME SOUP!?"

Fred happily obliged and sent a thermos down into the depths of Piecey's and shovelgirl's watery prison.

* * *

**Put in a review who you would like us to insult next!**

**Chapter 11: Ron Weasley (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

**A/N: As requested by digigirl02**

* * *

_Know your mage, know your mage, know you mage…_

The red haired, freckly boy with long gangly arms and a smudge of dirt on his nose stood in the centre of the stage…

_Ron Weaseley…_  
_… has a serious crush on Hermione Granger…_  
"Wha- I do not! I just admire her brains, and her looks… and her…" he got a dreamy look on his face. Fred and George sniggered.

_Wow, our little brother's TOTALLY whipped!_ They rolled around on the floor in silent laughter, clutching their now aching sides.

Ron Weasley…  
… has a pet achromantula called Fluffy…  
Ron snapped out of it quickly "nu huh, no way in HELL will I EVER come into contact with another Aragog!"

_Who's Aragog?_  
Who knows?  
"One of Hagrid's pets; an achromantula" Ron shudders at the memory.

_Ron Weasley…_  
_… purposely concealed the identity of Peter Pettigrew so that he would have a pet…_  
"What? I didn't do that! Scabbers was a deceitful little rat!"  
_Whatever Ron!_

Ron Weasley ...  
... REALLY doesn't like what we are about to do to him ...  
"Why? Fred? George? What're you doing?" he looks around anxiously.

_Why, we're reuniting you with your one true love!_ The twins smirk evilly as George, not Fred this time, pulled the lever to his left and poor Ron was flung from the stadium and into the air.

"Ron?"  
"O-o-oh h-hi Hermione,"  
"You too, huh?" said Zerkoz.  
"Yep."

Maybe it will work out between those two ...  
_Yeah, in Ron's itty bitty baby dreams!_


	14. Percy Weasley (shovelgirlERB000)

**Chapter 14: Percy Weasley (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS O J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage…_

_Our prick of a brother stands in the centre of the stage…_

_Percy Weasley…_

… _Is a first-class prick…_

"No I am not; I just know where my loyalties lie!"

Yeah, with your family

"No, every witch and wizard should remain fully loyal to the Ministry of Magic!"

_Shut your trap!_

Percy Weasley…

… Is… maybe shovelgirlERB000 was right; these aren't insulting at all.

_Should we send him somewhere, George?_

Where should we send him, Fred? A hole opens up in the floor.

_Shovelgirl, Piecey?_

"What!" a sneeze resounds from somewhere below

"Bless you, shovelgirl,"

"Thanks," a sniffle follows.

ANYWAY, would you like Percy to join you? We'll gladly throw in a shark!

"NO!"

"You keep that prick away! And you can keep the shark; three's a crowd!" shouts shovelgirl in annoyance.

Ooooh, I smell romance, Fred

_So do I, George_

"Nu uh, sorry. No offense Piecey, but, no way; I like someone else,"

"That's fine. I don't really like you in that way anyway."

Well, what're we gonna do with the prick?

"You will send me home now, or I will be telling father of your antics!" shouts Percy

Oooh, so scary; I'm quaking in my boots. What about you, Fred?

_Oh, same; I'm terrified of the wrath of my father when his disowned son tells him that we've been tormenting the prick. I actually think he'll be rather appreciative of our efforts to tame our brother._

**We still have a problem!** Shouts a voice from somewhere up above

_Hey boss!_ Shouts Fred

**Get rid of him; he's been anything BUT entertaining!** Shouts the unknown voice

Alright! Don't get your panties in a bunch! Shouts George

Fred,

_Yes?_

Push that little blue button over there, would you?

_Is it gonna do something to the prick?_

Oh yeah, and he's gonna enjoy it

"What are you doing?" asks Percy Weasley wearily

_Good question,_ mutters Fred as he pushes the little blue button and George smiles.

With a loud SNAP of disapparation, Percy Weasley vanishes from the stage

_Errr…. George, as much as I hate the prick, where'd we send him?_

You remember that dragon in Gringotts?

_Yeah…_ the lights start to flicker in Fred's ginger head. _Oh!_

Mmmhmm; the prick now has a friend. Let's see how long he lasts before the poor beast gets hungry!

_I bet a day!_

Nah, more like a week; he still has his wand, and he needs to tire. Remember?

_Oh yeah… well, either way, that's one family problem solved…_

* * *

**__Up next is Mad-Eye but after that it's their mysterious Leader! Good night everybody! Or good morning who really cares anyway?**


	15. Mad-Eye Moody (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 15: Mad-Eye Moody**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage._

The stern-eyed Auror looked suspiciously around the mirrored walls, trying to see if he can spot where that line came from.

_Alastor Moody …_

_.. Is a moody grouch …_

"Moody grouch huh? I've got to admit that's a new one. By the way, you do know that your prisoners haven't been let out in a month?"

Seriously? A month? I thought it was about a fortnight.

_I thought the same thing. We have been feeding them but we haven't really let them go_

"Let me help with that, but first, read through the rest of script."

Alastor Moody …

… Didn't have what it takes to break out of that seven-compartment suitcase …

"Wha-. No. I was weak, what do you expect?"

_Wow. Mad-Eye actually admitted he was weak …_

I'm equally stunned brother.

_Alastor Moody …_

_… Couldn't defeat his double even if he wanted to …_

"What's that supposed to mean? That's it. I'm releasing your prisoners. NOW!" He got out his wand, shouted a word and every single person in that hole, along with Mad-Eye, vanished from the stage.

That was uneventful.

_Uh huh. Let's hope he didn't take the ones in the watery prison or wherever the catapult floor sent those people flying._

In the watery prison …

"Why is it always me that gets forgotten?" shovelgirl said.

"Well, I hope that they let us out soon, or at least, send down some soup." Piecey replied.

Wherever that catapult floor sent them to …

"Was that Mad-Eye?" Ron asked.

"Well, unless it's an ugly vulture with a glass eye-patch, then I think it's safe to say it's Mad-Eye!" Zerkoz shouted.

"Just calm down Zerkoz." Hermione tried to valiantly calm Zerkoz down.

_He probably didn't touch them_

No but we have one more person before the next round.

_True, and this time, our illustrious Leader takes to the stage._

_This'll be fun._

* * *

**Their mysterious leader is next!**


	16. SPECIAL: The Leader (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 16: SPECIAL: Leader**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage._

The Leader stands in the spotlight of a very bright room, thanks to all the mirrored walls.

Luna Lovegood …

… Likes being our leader …

**Yes I do. What of it?**

_Uhhh, we didn't really expect you to be our leader, and I bet that's what everyone who's watching this thinks as well._

They're probably gasping out loud in shock

**Besides, who would have thought that the ultimate prankster would be me? I would bet your bottom Galleon that no-one thought it was me.**

_Next insult:_

_Luna Lovegood …_

_… Hates us for reducing her to a complete wreck in front of the entire wizarding nation …_

**Yeah you're right. I do hate you.**

Where were you when I fell into the hole?

**I was busy writing out scripts for the next few episodes.**

_Enough of this! Let's just continue making fun of her._

Luna Lovegood …

… Resents us for keeping Piece Bot, shovelgirlERB000, Zerkoz, Hermione and Ron hidden from Mad-Eye's eye …

**No I don't. I reckon that was rather clever.**

_Thank you._

**But you're both still annoying.**

_We know._ Fred and George bowed their heads.

**Let me do an insult for the both of you.**

Fred and George cringed at what was to come. Apparently, years of being a victim of pranks, Luna had turned into a tough teen. They were even more afraid of the fact that they think they did this to her.

**Fred and George Weasley …**

**… Likes to play with Dr. Filibuter's Fireworks …**

_Uh … how did you know?_

**I've got a way. Besides, you practically blew up the Great Hall with that show of yours for Umbridge. Nice job.**

Fred and George were actually complimented on their pranks. They were complimented but usually for all the wrong reasons.

That wasn't really an insult.

**I had to think on the spot. I'm the one that normally writes the scripts anyway.**

**Here's another one … which isn't really an insult …**

**Fred and George Weasley …**

**… Likes the fact that Nargles are right behind them …**

Uhhh, Nargles?

_Haven't we already done this?_

**3 …**

Fred, what's happening?

**2 …**

_I don't know George, but I don't like the looks of it._

**1 …**

Fred and George began to scream but stopped when they realised they weren't being attacked.

_What just happened?_

**The Nargles just happened. They are now inside your heads … or are they Wrackspurts?**

Luna put her hands on her chin, thinking.

**Anyway, now,** Luna crossed her arms and a menacing smile came across her face.

**What do you say we set things up for Round 2?**

* * *

**The Leader is finally revealed! Hope you guys get a shock out of this one!**


	17. RE-MATCH: Hermione Granger (shovelgirl)

**Chapter 17: RE-MATCH: Hermione Granger**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

**_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage…_**

The now wandless, because she was very annoyed, witch stands in the centre of the stage, glaring in our approximate direction (_that's really scary, isn't it George?_ You bet, brother)

_Hermione Granger…_

_… fai- actually, let's go against the script this time, whadaya say George_ *George nods enthusiastically*

Let's start again then, shall we?

Hermione stamps her foot in annoyance, puffing a strand of her bushy hair out of her face.

_Hermione Granger…_

_… is hopelessly in love with our little brother, Ron…_

"W-wh-what?" Hermione blushes red

Well, whaddya know, Fred; we hit bang on target!

_Yeah, it appears we did_

"You two- when I get my wand back- UGH!" Hermione stamps her foot again

Don't worry, he likes you too!

Hermione just blushed harder

**WE'VE GOT A SHOW TO DO!** Shouts Luna from somewhere unknown

**WE AREN'T MATCHMAKERS, WE'RE COMEDIANS! THERE IS A DIFFERENCE!**

_Alright! Go write some more scripts or something, will ya?_

**If you keep it up, you're fired,** said Luna dangerously from her still hidden watching place

On with it

Hermione Granger…

… is still struggling to conjure a full blown patronus charm…

"It's very complex magic; only great wizards and witches are able to accomplish them at all, let alone when they're only just out of school!"

_Yeah yeah, like we care; we're just letting the world know that Luna has accomplished something faster than you_

"Well, Luna is a rather brilliant witch; she was put in Ravenclaw for a reason, you know,"

**As much as I'm loving the compliments, thanks, by the way,** **we really need to get on with this!**

_Can we just dispose of her already?_

**Fine! But you have to give her wand back before you drop her into a hole or whatever you're going to do with her this time**

_Fine, fine; just stop interrupting the show!_

**You're the ones going off the script!**

_It still made sense, AND it was embarrassing!_

Yeah, you saw how she blushed!

**Whatever, just wrap this up already!**

Ok, we're getting there; this arguing isn't helping any!

**Fine**

_Fine_

**Fine!**

SHUT UP!

"If I might ask," came the voice of a long forgotten (even though she was the main topic of the argument) Hermione, "what are you going to do with me this time?"

We were thinking of making you the soup lady

"What does that entail?" she asked wearily

_Well, it's quite simple really, all you gotta do is drop flasks of soup down this hole to shovelgirl and Piecey about twice a day_

"Who?" asks Hermione as aforementioned hole in the floor opens up to reveal seemingly unending blackness

"Whaddaya mean, WHO!" came an angry, female voice from the bottom of the hole

"We're the ones writing this fic, and all you can say when we're mentioned is WHO?" says the same voice

"It feels like something's gone amiss … oh yeah! WE'RE STILL STUCK IN HERE AND NOW WE BOTH HAVE COLDS!" Piecey yells up the hole.

"If you're the ones writing this messed up thing," says Hermione slowly, "then what on earth are you doing down there?"

"Umm…. I don't know, actually… What are we doing down here, Piecey?"

"Something about keeping us hydrated or something." Piecey said.

"Why don't you write yourselves out?" asks Hermione. Fred, George and Luna burst out laughing

"Stupid little magical spells … keeping us in place … well it won't work. YA HEAR ME!? IT WON'T WORK!" Piecey yells.

"I think Piecey's gone a bit loopy … but that makes it funnier down here; normal people are boring, right Piecey?" shovelgirl says happily.

"Oh, that explains the laughter, then," says Hermione

**O-o-k-kay,** says Luna through her spastic giggles, **now** **we need to wrap it up. Seriously, we've gone WAAAAAY over time here!** She reaches over and pulls a leaver.

Remember that hole where McGonagall and Umbridge tried to kill each other? Yeah, same one. Down, down, down fell our valiant Hermione, followed by her flowery wand.

"You guys are DEAD!" she shouted from her lonely hole.

Don't worry 

_We'll let you out every day so you can feed our lovely friends down the other hole_ the twins cracking up with laughter. Angry sounds came from both holes.

**Would you prefer it if we didn't feed you?** Noises from the hole on the left immediately ceased

"Could we at least have some music down here?" asked shovelgirl desperately. "I think I'm going through a withdrawal,"

_Fine; what's your favourite band?_

"Ooh! Adelitas Way, Adelitas Way!"

And you, Piece Bot? George was being fair to them in a strange act of kindness (Hey!)

"Considering I'm cold and miserable down here, I'll have to say There For Tomorrow."

_Done_ The twins dropped an ipad with all requested music downloaded into the hole.

_Now, wha-_

**THAT'S IT! WE'VE GONE FOR TOO LONG! CUT IT O- **

*there has been a technical issue; we apologize for the inconvenience*

* * *

**I believe that this is the longest chapter yet! Clocking at over eight hundred words I give you shovelgirl's chapter!**


	18. RE-MATCH: shovelgirlERB000

**Chapter 18: RE-MATCH: shovelgirlERB000 (shovelgirl/Piecey)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

**_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage._**

The bronze-haired, grey eyed teen stands in the centre of the stage, cringing as what was to come.

"You need a new start line; I'm not even a witch!"

Shovelgirl …

… you don't mind if we call you shovelgirl, do you? …

"No, not really"

Shovelgirl …

… Likes being half-kiwi …

"The lot of you are a bunch of baka*" shovelgirl mutters darkly. She went back to talking normally, but with a threatening tone. "If you knew my father, you'd never say that again." Shovelgirl began to crack her knuckles menacingly.

All right! Sorry, just reading the script!

_Shovelgirl …_

_… Has bad taste in music …_

Say that again and I will castrate you then reunite you with Percy; I may not be able to write myself out, but you can't stop me from doing anything else

*fred turns to talk to luna* _Why are we doing this? She's dangerous_

**Because she can't get to us and she's a muggle, idiot**

_A muggle with the power to turn me into a slug_

And castrate me

**Whatever, get on with it**

_Shovelgirl …_

_… is getting really annoyed at us …_

"Hell yeah I am; can you just cut the cr*p ad drop me back down the hole. At least the people down there are friendly and don't make me wanna rip their heads off."

_I do believe that's the first time anyone's requested to go back down into their prison..._

Well, I'm going to fulfil her wishes before she decides she actually wants to follow through with that threat...

George pulled the appropriate lever and the trio watched the girl fall back down into the depths. There was a faint splash below.

"Back so soon?" Piecey asks.

"Of course I am; the lot of them are a bunch of baka," says shovelgirl

"Haha. Funny. What's baka?"

* * *

**A Know Your mage first! An actual chapter collaboration! Hope you guys enjoyed it!**

***baka means idiot in Japanese.**


	19. RE-MATCH: Piece Bot (shovelgirlPiecey)

**Chapter 19: RE-MATCH: Piece Bot (shovelgirl/Piecey)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

**_Know you mage, know your mage, know your mage..._**

The frazzle-haired and blue-eyed teen stands in the centre of the stage, well, kneels ... he appears to be hugging the ground, thanking it for... not being water? I think he's gone a bit strange in the head...

_Piece Bot..._

_... hates my little pony..._

"How can you even say that!? I absolutely love it!"

My Little Pony … the theme song began to play around the stage.

"YES! Wait, is it season four or season three?"

Let's just leave it there.

Piece Bot...

... is in a romantic relationship with our one and only shovelgirl...

"Huh? I am not. I told you guys before, I don't even like her in that way. Only as a friend!"

_Piece Bot..._

_... Is gay (we use that one way too much, Luna; you need to come up with a better one..._ **I know, I know...)**

"Which one? Happy or the other one?"

**The other one … (man this guy's an idiot …)**

"I heard that! I am not gay either. Strictly female.

So you won't mind if you take our Luna then?

**"What!? NO!"** Piecey and Luna yelled at the same time.

_Alright … just checking._

_Piece Bot..._

_... is probably gonna kill us for what we do next..._

"Not the hole again … Please. ANYTHING BUT THAT! ANYTHING!"

**Sorry. Too late.**

Luna pulls aforementioned lever and Piecey once again joins shovelgirl and Zerkoz in the watery depths of the prison cell...

"Welcome back, Piecey," shouted shovelgirl over the sound of very loud rock music

"Did this place become a mosh-pit or something?" Piecey shouted back over the extremely loud rock music.

"Turn that blasted music off!" Zerkoz is clutching his ears, rocking back and forth in the shallow water floor.

* * *

**And yet another one collaboration chapter by shovelgirl and Zerkoz.**


	20. RE-MATCH: Zerkoz (Zerkoz)

**Chapter 20: RE-MATCH: Zerkoz (Zerkoz)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_**Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage**_

The slender teenager puffed away a lock of dark hair to show his bronze eye. He laughed when he realized where he was.

"More chances for me to rub my superior intellect in your face?" He managed to laugh in between sessions.

_Oh shut up_

**Just continue with the show**

Ok. Fred?

_Zerkoz ..._

_... Is gay ..._

"Thank you for the compliment."

NOT THAT KIND OF GAY

"I don't know what you're talking about. There's only one meaning of gay."

_Do you even have a street dictionary?_

"No."

**Just shut up and read the next one!**

Zerkoz ...

... Has no social life ...

"Well, when one has a superior I.Q., they don't usually make friends."

You know? I WISH that I could prove you wrong

"Ok. Have fun throwing meaningless insults at me."

_Hey. There's a lever here_

**Pull it!**

A hole opens in the floor and Zerkoz falls in.

"Hm… All 3 authors are here now!" He exclaims.

"What gave you that idea?" Piecey said sarcastically.

_**See you next time on "Know your mage"!**_

* * *

**That Zerkoz. Funny guy. Next up is Ron Weasley's re-match. Hope you guys like this!**


	21. RE-MATCH: Ron Weasley (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 21: RE-MATCH: Ron Weasley (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_**Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage,**_

_You know … we should really change our intro._

**Why? I like it.**

_Because it's getting kind of boring_

ON WITH THE SHOW!

A ginger-head teen stood in the limelight.

Look who's back!

_Why, if it isn't our wittle brother itty-bitty Ronikinns._

"Oi. What did mum say about you calling me that?"

Nothing. She was the one that used to say it. We just kind of caught on with the times.

_For our first insult:_

_Ron Weasley …_

_… Is in love with Hermione Granger …_

Are we doing this again?

"Umm, yeah." Ron turned beet-red at his confession.

**D'AWWW. I think I gave you the wrong script.**

There was a shuffling of pages along with a few yowls of pain, mostly coming from Fred.

**I think this is the right one …**

**_Let's start this again._**

With a groan, the twins rewound the tape and started to record again. They went through the intro, blah blah blah, until …

_For our first insult …_

_Ron Weasley …_

_… Is in love with Romilda Vane …_

"What! I am not. It was just some stupid love potion meant for Harry."

Oooh! _Ron's in love with Harry. Ron's in love with Harry._

**Stop that dancing and GET ON WITH IT!**

Jeez. Alright. Don't get your panties in a twist.

_It's funny 'cause it's true._ The twins cracked up in laughter at that.

**ENOUGH OF THIS! You know what?**

_"What?"_

All three brothers cowered underneath Luna's wrath. Luna leaned over and pushed a giant red button that said DO NOT PUSH BUT ONLY IN CASE OF EXTREME

LAUGHTER. This caused the entire stage to explode and magically transport every single prisoner (Zerkoz, Piecey, shovelgirl and Hermione) to a new location.

Luna, George, Fred and Ron were undamaged but the same can't be said for the stage.

* * *

**Where will the next stage be? Stay tuned.**


	22. Relocation (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 22: ****Relocation**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

**A/N: When I said the thing about the prisoners being magically transported to a new location, I meant them being transported to a temporary location. ON WITH THE SHOW!**

* * *

**HOLD THE PHONE!**

What phone?

**GAH! IT DOESN'T MATTER!**

_WHAT ARE WE YELLING ABOUT!?_

I've got no idea Freddie.

**Okay. I've calmed down now but how could I do that? I cannot believe that I single-handedly blew up the stage. Now we'll have to relocate and do…**

Why don't we just ignore her for now.

_Yeah …_

_OI! BOSS!_

**What?**

I have a suggestion as to where we can relocate.

_**Okay.**_** Where to?**

Australia mate. George said this in an extremely fake Australian accent.

_Australia? Why?_

**We haven't been to Australia before.**

"WE'RE GOING HOME!" shovelgirl and Piecey said together.

"What about school?" Zerkoz said.

"What about it?" shovelgirl and Piecey said together.

"Isn't Australia where I sent my parents?" Hermione pipes up from her lonely hole.

That decides it.

_**See you in Australia folks!**_

* * *

**Next time they'll be filming from Australia. See you next time folks!**


	23. ROUND 2: Neville Longbottom (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 23:ROUND 2: Neville Longbottom (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

**A/N: As requested by Annabethjackson8910**

* * *

We've finally done it! We've officially moved to Australia!

_Doesn't look like much_ ...

The trio looked outside the window of where they now called home. The Australian Outback. They were conveniently located near one of Australia's many famous landmarks. Uluru.

**It's ... just ... a ... huge ... f****ng ... ROCK!**

_Now now. Calm down Luna. Remember what we're here for._

**And what would tat be, oh wise one?**

THE SHOW!

**_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_**

**What is this!? **Luna couldn't believe her eyes as she saw who was on stage.

_Neville Longbottom!_ Luna facepalmed.

**You idiots …**

_Neville Longbottom …_

_… is accident-prone …_

"Uh yeah, I guess so. Woah!" He tripped over a conveniently place ladder. "Ouch."

Fred and George were in hysterics.

**(Watch this.) Hey Neville!**

"Luna? What are you doing with Fred and George?" Neville got up and dusted himself off.

**I want you to do something for me.**

"What?"

**Turn around and walk straight. Just keep walking until you fall down or something.**

Neville did as asked and walked. BANG. "Ooohhh." He moaned as he clutched his aching forehead. Now Luna was in hysterics.

**I'm so s-s-s-sorry. Ha ha ha ha. Oh boy. I'm sorry but that was priceless!**

"Hmph." Neville crossed his arms and turned to the side.

_Neville Longbottom …_

_… Has an extremely long bottom …_

"Eh? What? No I don't. That's just my dumb surname."

**Neville Longbottom …**

**… is about to be fired from a cannon …**

"What?"

_Walk forward._

Neville obeyed again and this time, when he fell, he fell into a hole. There was a metallic thud when he hit the bottom.

**3 …**

_2 …_

1 …

BANG. The cannon fired and Neville went soaring off to wherever Dumbledore headed off to.

**That was fun.**

_Finally getting into the pranking spirit now huh?_

**Yeah, I guess you could say that.**

"So much for being home …" Piecey said. Him and his friends were still stuck down in that watery hell-hole they call a prison.

"Here's your soup!" Hermione tossed down three soup-filled flasks down into the prison.

* * *

**We hope you like this!**


	24. ROUND 2: Draco Malfoy (shovelgirlERB000)

**Chapter 24: ROUND 2: Draco Malfoy (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_**Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage...**_

The annoying, white-haired prick stands in the middle of the sweltering stage, sweating buckets

"Why's it so hot here?"

"Are you kidding? This is cool!" shouts shovelgirl in response from somewhere under the floor, startling our new victim

"I don't like the sound of that ..." he says

"You think twenty-nine degrees is hot? Weel then you've got another thing coming!" Piecey replies.

"I repeat. I don't like the sound of that ..." Malfoy repeats his earlier statement.

**GET ON WITH IT!**

_Draco Malfoy..._

_... is a gay b*st*rd... hey, that's a bit more descriptive than normal..._ **(I don't like him very much)**

"What? What is this?"

"Draco is gaaaaay! Draco is gaaaaay!" Piecey sang way off key.

Draco Malfoy...

... failed every class except potions, and only passed that because Snape answers to his father...

Draco Malfoy just splutters in outrage, his porcelain skin turning the colour of a roasted lobster

_Feeling poetic, are we George?_

You bet Freddie

**Draco Malfoy...**

**... is going to lose his wand so he's less of a safety hazard...**

"What!" his wand is apparated into oblivion

**Right into my hand.**

"You give that back this instant!" shouts the angered prick

_**Make us**_

"You don't de-" Draco Malfoy is cut off by VERY loud music from under his feet, and whimpers saying something that sounded vaguely like 'make it stop, make it

stop'. Nothing he said was heard after that, but from what we saw, it looked like he was shouting "YOU WAIT TILL MY FATHER HEARS ABOUT THIS"

Fred and George sniggered, opening up a hole in the floor and dropping him down it, where he was alone with the loud music, off tune karaoke of shovelgirl

and Piecey, along wih the quiet pleas of Zerkoz.


	25. LOST EPISODE: Cedric Diggory (Zerkoz)

**Chapter 25: LOST EPISODE: Cedric Diggory (Zerkoz)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

**A/N: The only reason why it's called a 'lost' episode is because this was meant to be written sometime back in ROUND 1.**

* * *

_**Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage**_

The dark-eyed, brown-haired teenager was looking around quizzically at everything.

"How did I get here?" He asked.

_We STILL don't know how people get here, we just embarrass them_

Yep

**Cedric Diggory …**

_... Sparkles in the sunlight …_

"That was a mistake!"

_**"Oh, we know."**_ Said everyone, including the prisoners in the pit.

Cedric Diggory …

... I don't really have anything else …

_Huh. Neither do I._

"So I can go?" There was laughter from the pit.

"Very reassuring, you know?"

The hole opened, and Cedric fell inside.

"This is getting a bit crowded." Zerkoz remarked.

"SHUT UP, FILTHY MUGGLE!" Draco yelled.

"Oh really?" There was a sound that sounded like bones breaking and cracking.

"How do you do that?!"

"I just roll my fingers. See?" The sound started again.

_**I think I'm going to be sick….**_


	26. ROUND 2: Fluffy (shovelgirlERB000)

**Chapter 26: ROUND 2: Fluffy (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DUSCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_**Know your mage, know your mage know your mage…**_

The… three headed dog? Drools all over the stage… Luna, what the heck is fluffy doing here?

**Entertainment, genius; Fluffy is here by popular author demand.**

Why do they get a say in who gets tortured?

"Because we're the ones writing it!"

"And I'm the one that organised this whole thing!"

**On with it before I fire you!**

_Fluffy ..._

_... Drools a lot ..._

"WOOF!"

_No denial, nothing? Wow; we've got this easy…_

Fluffy...

... has bad breath...

A deep, menacing growl reverberates from aforementioned dog

I'm only joking! Please don't kill me!

_There's a good Cerberus, there's a good Cerberus_

**Fluffy ...**

**... is secretly a hydra ...**

A lot of barking could be heard from the giant three-headed dog.

**Oh fine. Be that way.**

Fluffy…

…has tried to eat Hagrid before…

Fluffy's left head looks down embarrassed.

Really, Fluffy? The left head nods.

**Well, time's up; time for Fluffy to get friendly with the Malfoy!**

Fred pulled a lever, and the large, three headed doggy fell down into a deep hole. A strangled yelp from the holes previous inhabitant, Malfoy, could be heard

as the Fluffy nearly sat on him.

"HELP!" shouted Malfoy.

**Nu uh, not happening.**

_**Next time on, Know your mage…**_

_**The Basilisk! **_


	27. ROUND 2: The Basilisk (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 27: ROUND 2: The Basilisk (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING**

* * *

**_Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage_**

An elongated reptile sat centre stage. Uncoiling and coiling itself over and over again.

Why are we doing this again?

_To please the audience that just so happens to be all over the world!_

**Anyway … why are we insulting the Basilisk again? I mean, it could just turn us to stone with just a stare …**

Not stone Luna. Petrification!

**Why do I even bother …**

**_LET'S GET STARTED!_**

The Basilisk …

The giant snake turned its head to the source of the sound. Luckily all the mirrors were darkened otherwise there would be a motionless statue just … sitting … there …

_Quick! THE MIRRORS!_

**Why would we-**

In an instant, all the mirrors had been lit up and the Basilisk could see its own reflection, but, unfortunately, Fawkes the phoenix had pecked its eyes out so it had no effect.

_For some reason I thought that would work …_

Like I said … the Basilisk …

… Is as blind as a bat …

_That's not very insulting George._

Luna! You wrote an inferior script!

**I panicked! When I heard we would have the Basilisk on our show I had to improvise! I mean not much is known about it other than its - IDEA!**

Fred and George just looked at each other and wondered if Luna hadn't officially cracked yet.

Uuuh, what are you doing?

**You'll see.**

Luna immediately put some sunglasses on and walked to the Basilisk.

_What is that idiot doing!?_

Luna get back! It'll try to eat you!

**I'm perfectly fine.**

She walked off to the side a little bit and came back with a huge megaphone.

_Where did that come from?_

**Store room. Now for you ...**

She took a deep breath and said in an extremely loud and slightly irritating voice:

**THE BASILISK …!**

**… IS VOLDEMORT'S PET …!**

The reaction as unexpected. The Basilisk reared up its huge head and let out a blood-curdling shriek. It then slithered out of sight to go and terrorise some poor, defenceless Aborigines.

_Wow._

"What was that!?" The occupants of both holes questioned their kidnappers.

**That was the sound of the Basilisk shrieking.** Luna actually sounded pleased about that.

"THE BASILISK!? OH NO! YOU'RE LETTING THAT THING IN HERE WITH ME!" Draco shouted. He was cowering in a corner with the great Cerberus drooling over him.

"AND GET THIS MUTT AWAY FROM ME!"

_Hmmm. How about … **NO!**_


	28. ROUND 2: Sirius Black (shovelgirlERB000)

_**Know your mage, Know your mage, Know your mage...**_

The man with long, black hair stood in the center of the stage, doing a 360 and laughing as he heard our commentary...

"Hey Gred and Forge!" he shouted, waving in our approximate direction.

It's creepy how they always know where we are, isn't it, Fred?

_I know what you mean_

_Sirius Black ..._

_... loves his mother ..._

"Uh uh, wrong; what's happening here?" he asked suspiciously.

**Oh, we're humiliating witches, wizards, dangerous animals and the authors of this fanfic, then dropping them down holes**, Luna thought it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Hermione walked in at that moment, carrying three seperate flasks of soup.

"Hermione?"

"Oh, they got you too, huh?" Sirius stood there bewildered as a hole in the floor opened up and the soup was dropped into it.

"Thanks Hermione!" shouts shovelgirl

"Who're you?" asks Sirius. a frustrated noise comes from down below.

"Who are you? Who are you!? That's just what we need. People who don't know about us!" Piecey raised his hands up and started to bang his head against the wall.

"Right; got it. Sorry for offending you," he muttered.

**MOVING ON**

_Sirius black..._

_...I can't actually think of a good insult..._

**Oh, give it here**

**Sirius black...**

**... was and still is in love with Lily Evans..**.

"Bzzt, wrong again; I was a player," he said.

Ugh! We can't win; bye bye, Sirius Black!

fred pulled a lever, and sirius was dropped down a hole.

"Oh, hello," greeted shovelgirl.

"..." Piecey doesn't say anything, he just continues to bang his head against the wall.

_**THAT'S ALL FOR NOW**_


	29. ROUND 2: Harry Potter (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 29: ROUND 2: Harry Potter (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

_**Know your mage, know your mage, know your mage**_

A scruffy teenager stood in the limelight, sweating as if it was hell.

Hello hello hello. What's all this then?

_By George I don't believe it IT'S HARRY POTTER!._

Or as he goes by now, The Chosen One.

"What did I say about that? I hate being called that!"

**Wow. Five minutes in and already you made him mad. That's a new record.**

_Harry Potter .._

… _Is the Heir of Slytherin …_

"Oh not this again." Harry groaned.

**What do you mean by 'not this again'?**

Not sure if you were around for this Luna but, Harry here, was announced that he was the Heir of Slytherin in his second year.

"Just stop with the names. I hate titles."

"Listen to what the cat dragged in!" Sirius's voice rang up from a hole somewhere near Harry's feet.

"Sirius!? Where are you?" Harry hurriedly looked around and didn't see his godfather anywhere.

"Down here." He looked down and was quite surprised to see a hole where there previously wasn't one.

"Wow sound travels really well in here."

"Gee. Ya think?" Piecey asked. Luckily he had stopped his head banging against the wall just before he could cause himself some irreparable brain damage.

"Hey Harry; can I have your signature please?" shovelgirl pleaded.

"I give. Who are those other three?" Harry pointed down towards the hole.

shovelgirl mutters some incomprehensible things.

Piecey promptly resumes banging his head against the wall. So much for irreparable brain damage.

"I think I'll join Piecey over here …"

**Great. You just had to make him do that. Didn't you?**

"Uuuh sorry?"

Nope. Sorry isn't good enough. You'll just have to be chucked in the hole just like everyone else.

Fred pulls a lever and Harry drops down and lands on Fluffy.

"Potter."

"Malfoy."

_**Now you know Harry Potter.**_


	30. EXTRA SPECIAL: JAILBREAK! (Piece Bot)

**Chapter 30: EXTRA SPECIAL: JAILBREAK! (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

**_Know your mage, know your mage, know your-_**

_What is this?_

The victim that they were going to torture gratefully left but in his place stood a moderately built teen. The teen stood in a top hat, faux suit pants, a purple pinstripe long sleeve shirt, cufflinks and a pocket watch with an odd picture. The picture on the back was of a face with a slouch hat and orange-tinted sunnies.

Who are you?

"Sorry But Who's Speaking?"

**What? Who is this lamebrain?**

"DARKDARSI!" DarkDarsi looked around to find the voice that called out his name. He then leaned over the invisible that apparently only he could see and called back.

"IS THAT YOU PIECEY!?"

"YEP! I MADE FRIENDS IN HERE AS WELL!" Piecey responded.

"PLEASE STOP THE SHOUTING! IT'S MAKING MY EARS RING!" shovelgirl complained.

"Sorry shovelgirl. Hey Zerkoz! Look at who came to rescue us!"

Zerkoz walked over to the hole and looked up. He jabbed a thumb at the newcomer.

"Who's he?"

DarkDarsi faked fainting but he didn't really mind as he doesn't really get that much attention anyway.

**Back to the topic. Who are you and what are you doing here?**

Darsi turned back to where he heard Luna speaking.

"You Three Have A Weird Way Of Speaking. You Do Know That Right?"

_We have a weird way of speaking!? What about your way of speaking? It's just wrong._

At that moment, a huge crack began to appear directly over Darsi's head. He looked up and checked his pocket watch.

"Right On Time." He then stepped backwards and three characters not belonging to Harry Potter fell out of the hole. One was a brightly coloured pony, one was a bouncing tiger and the last person looked normal. Normal meaning he, no she, looked human.

"Fem!Doctor? Wrong Universe. Oh Well It Will Have To Do. Let's See. We Also Have Tigger and PINKIE PIE!?"

Pinkie Pie got up out of the dog pile and stood on all fours.

"Did someone say my name?"

**_"YIKES! IT TALKS!"_** Every single person except for Piecey and Darsi screamed at the sight a talking colourful equine.

"Well of course I can talk. Why wouldn't I be able to talk? Oh wait, if I can't talk then I wouldn't be able to speak to all my friends and that would be horrible!" She gave a huge gasp and looked around. She was so busy talking that she didn't even realise where she was. She looked at the pile behind her and noticed that one of them was coloured orange and black.

"Who are you?"

"My name is Tigger! T-I-double 'G'-ER. And I am pleased to make your acquaintance."

**_He can talk too!?_**

"Yes I can. And I'm mighty proud of it too." Tigger laughed weirdly.

Who's the one in the suit?

The third occupant groaned and sat up, clutching her head.

"Blasted Daleks … one minute I'm running for my life, the next minute, I'm here, which … is …" She looked around and ended up spotting DarkDarsi.

"You!"

"Me? What have I done?"

"You pulled me from the Daleks yet again!" The Doctor advanced towards him.

"What do you mean again?" Darsi started to back up.

"I mean-" At that moment, a hole opened up and she dropped down on to Fluffy. Malfoy and Harry looked up at the new occupant.

"What's going on here?" Harry asked.

"Who exactly are you?" Malfoy asked the Doctor.

"I am the Doctor. I am here to save everyone next door but someone tossed me in here."

"We know the feeling." They say in unison.

Meanwhile, Pinkie Pie and Tigger were in the middle of a bouncing contest and Darsi was judging them. Just when Tigger thought he was going to lose, he did a Whoop-De-Dooper Loop-De-Looper Ally-Oopa Bounce and went crazy. His tail wound up, he twisted on the spot, without his legs moving, twice and he then let it all loose. He sped towards one of the many mirror, soared up as high as he could, landed on the roof, sprung off and landed directly in front of the trio of hosts.

**_Jesus! Don't scare us like that!_**

Pinkie Pie was officially impressed.

"I know when I'm beat." Darsi declared Tigger the winner and a fanfare of trumpets appeared out of nowhere.

"When are we going to get to the rescue part?" Piecey asked.

"Oh Yeah. That. Hang On A Second Mate." Before he could start the rescuing part, Pinkie whizzed by him.

"Where Did She Come From?"

A huge crash sounded as a previously unknown room got revealed.

"She was trying to perform my Whoop-De-Dooper Loop-De-Looper Ally-Oopa Bounce, even after my explanation she performed well."

"Mind explaining the bounce to me."

"Certainly, now, half this bounce is 90 percent mental. If ya calculate the specific Tiggerjectory of ya Stripecelleration Diviferous by the Square Boot of ya Rebounce, ya Vertical Situation Indicator and ya Striperconic Springertia should Rica-tic-chet yer Hydraulific Fu-silly-age into an Accelerometric De-orbit! Any questions?"

"YES! THIS IS JUST A COMMENT BUT BEST SONG EVER!"

"NO! CAN SOMEONE GET US OUT OF HERE!"

"Oh Yeah." Darsi chuckled a little and dropped down into the hole.

"Good going. Now you're trapped in here with us." Piecey crossed his arms. Darsi introduced himself to the others. After the formalities were out of the way, he whistled and Tigger came bouncing in.

"Watch'ya need me for huh?"

"Bounce Us Out Of Here Please."

Tigger bounced them all up with his Super Bounce. Piecy kissed the ground, Zerkoz asked Pinkie and Tigger if he could do an autopsy on them, to see what made them tick. He pulled out a couple of scalpels and then remembered that he had no idea how to do an autopsy.

"Why did you want to do an autopsy in the first place?"

"Like I said before, to see what makes them tick."

"Riiight. You do know they are cartoon characters right?" Zerkoz chuckled at the statement.

"Guys? What's that?" shovelgirl pointed to the hole and she could see Pinkie Pie running towards them.

"Oh no. GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Piecey and Darsi yelled at the others to get out of the way. Pinkie zoomed past the group and crashed into the mirror directly opposite. The mirror that just so happened to be where Fred, George and Luna were hosting the show.

**Well. This is a predicament.**


	31. EXTRA SPECIAL: JAILBREAK! Pt 2 (Piecey)

**Chapter 31: EXTRA SPECIAL: JAILBREAK! Pt. 2 (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

Last time on Know Your Mage.

"Oi. Mr. Narrator Guy. Shut It."

But I need to tell them what happened last time.

"They Can Just Read The Last Chapter."

Oh. Right. This time on Know Your Mage …

"Pinkie! You broke the fourth wall again!"

"Fourth wall?" She started to count off the walls. One. Two, where the hosts were, Three and Four … "Oh yeah, I did too." Darsi pinched the bridge of his nose.

"DarkDarsi! Use your miraculous powers to save me from this deathtrap!" Her voice barely concealed her sarcasm.

"How About No Shiela." He retorted.

"I've got a suggestion. Why don't you use Fluffy?" shovelgirl suggested.

"He's kind of knocked out at the moment. Too many blows to the heads." Harry quipped.

**Aren't we going to get a say in all this?**

_"NO!"_ Everyone said in unison.

**Okay fine.**

How about a suggestion?

_Let's explore the fourth wall!_

"No! Don't explore the fourth wall!" Fem!Doctor yelled.

_"YES!"_ Fred, George, Darsi, Tigger and Pinkie exclaimed.

"You sure this is a good idea?" The authors of this fanfic asked.

"I repeat. NO!" Fem!Doctor argued.

Luna leans over the hole. **Too late.**

"YOU WILL REGRET THIS!" They've already left.

_**"SHUT THE HELL UP!"**_

The entire group walked through the wall and to their surprise, they saw a whole hallway filled with doors, repeatedly shutting and closing. This was because two people, actually a person and a dog, where running through one door and came out another in almost the same instant. They came to a stop when they saw the group.

"Zoinks! A tiger! RUN FOR IT!" The person in the green-dye top and slacks ran so fast that he left a dust-cloud in the shape of himself in his place. The dog just followed his example and ran through a door marked, _SCOOBY-DOO_.

"Were they who I think they were?" Piecey asked.

"Eeeyup." Darsi replied.

"Let's follow." Shovelgirl grinned wickedly.

"Oh no you don't" Zerkoz grabbed the back of shovelgirl's T-shirt.

"Aaaww." Shovelgirl pouted.

Meanwhile, Darsi and Pinkie walked through a door marked _REGULAR UNIVERSE_. They both stepped into the 'real' world and took one look at the extremely dull and boring place.

"Do you sense it as well?" Darsi asked Pinkie.

"The boredom?"

"Yep." They turned right around and headed back into the Fourth Hall. They encountered Tigger instructing everyone about his extremely extended family tree.

"… there's roly-poly Tiggers too. We're a mighty cre-ee-ew. Round, round my family tree …" Piecey noticed Darsi and Pinkie and walked up to them. He had a bored expression on his face.

"What was through there?" He asked.

"Boredom."

"Please tell me it was our universe." Piecey asked. He sounded quite exasperated.

"Eeyup."

"Thought so. Now. Please tell me how we're going to get out of here."

shovelgirl was looking around with a severely bored expression on her face and noticed that there was a door marked DEATHNOTE. She got up out of the group and walked over to it. She opened it and was face to face with none other than L Lawliet.

"Who do we have here?" He drawled.

"Uh no-one. Sorry gotta go." shovelgirl quickly closed the door and walked over back to the group, who by this time, were all sleeping thanks to Tigger's family.

"I didn't think I'd have this effect." Tigger thought to himself.

* * *

Piecey noticed yet another door (this place is full of them) that was marked with _POKEMON_.

"Darsi. Look over there!" Darsi looked to where he was pointing and saw the _POKEMON_ door as well.

"Wanna look?" Piecey asked excitedly. Darsi nodded in agreement and with Pinkie in tow, they went through the door marked _POKEMON_. What met them was a battle taking place between Ash and Gary.

"Pikachu. Use Volt Tackle!" Pikachu picked up speed and a corona of electricity surrounded the electric mouse, making him turn almost invisible; save for the black and brown lines that marked his body.

Pikachu head butted Gary's pokemon and he was knocked out cold.

"Let's go back." Piecey said slowly. They quickly walked back into the Fourth Hall and noticed that the group was nowhere in sight.

"Okay, Where Did Everyone Go?" Darsi asked. He looked up and down the seemingly endless hall.

"Isn't that them in the distance?" Piecey pointed to a group of people and sure enough, one of them was a jumping striped tiger.

"That's them." Pinkie sped off to the group. A resounding crash was heard, along with tinkling glass.

"Ow. That hurt." Pinkie rubbed her muzzle until the pain went away. Miraculously, there wasn't a scratch on her.

"What was that?"

"Probably A Mirror."


	32. EXTRA SPECIAL: JAILBREAK! Pt 3 (Piecey)

**Chapter 32: EXTRA SPECIAL: JAILBREAK! Pt. 3 (Piece Bot)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

Last time o-

**_"SHUT IT!"_** I know when I'm not wanted. I'll just leave it to my brother then. The narrator, then got up out of his chair and stormed off to someplace or other.

* * *

This time on Know Your Mage …

"I'm Confused Now. Which Side Of The Mirror Was Pinkie On?" Darsi sounded thoroughly confused.

"Our side. Their side? No, no. Definitely our side."

"Now That That's Figured Out We Need To Go In The Opposite Direction." Darsi then spied a door which had the words _TPGS_ written on it. Darsi looked it over but then remembered that it was a FanFic he's currently writing. He opened the door and Pinkie Pie was there?

"I Need To Pick Up Jamie For A Couple Of Episodes."

"Okie dokie loki." Pinkie bounced away and plucked Jamie from the current _Nightmare Night_ episode. "Here ya go." She hummed as she walked away. Piecey only barely managed to keep Pinkie from seeing herself in _TPGS_.

"I want to seeeeee." Pinkie whined.

"You know, this is getting kind of weird." Piecey commented.

* * *

"Ooooh. Shiny." Zerkoz's mouth practically watered at the sight of the plaque on the door he was currently staring at. The plaque read _THE SECRET SATURDAYS._ "I can't believe this still exists!"

"What can't you believe huh?" Tigger walked up to Zerkoz. Zerkoz practically jumped into the air. "Didn't mean to scare ya."

"It's okay." He hesitantly turned the doorknob and what met him was extremely unexpected. The inside of V.V. Argost's lair. He took one look at Argost and quickly shut the door. Argost looked hideous in real life.

"What did you see?" Tigger was bouncing up and down on the spot. He just can't seem to keep still.

"That's kind of distracting." Zerkoz's head was following Tigger up and down, up and down, up and- you get the picture.

"What is?"

"That!" He pointed to Tigger while his head was going up and down.

"My bouncing?"

"You remind me of a Pokemon." Shovelgirl interjected. She had wandered over from the still sleeping Luna, George and Fred.

"Which Pokemon?" Zerkoz asked.

"Sproink."

Can anyone tell us where Piecey, Darsi and Pinkie Pie went off to?

**How can they get lost in this place?**

_Have you looked around yourself, this is a bloody long hallway._

Isn't that them? George pointed to a group of people when they heard a piece of glass shatter into a million tiny little pieces.

**_"What was that?"_**

* * *

"I Just Realised What Pinkie Pie Broke." Darsi remarked.

"What did I break?" Pinkie asked.

"A Computer Screen." Darsi replied

"How could she- I'm not even going to question it." Piecey muttered. They all looked back to the broken computer screen when they heard someone muttering about Pinkie Pie and computer screens. They all saw a giant hand come up to the screen and start to duct tape it together.

"How is that even possible?" Piecey asked.

"So That's Where We Are!" Darsi exclaimed, pointing a finger into the air.

"Where?" Jamie asked.

"Inside The Internet."

"You are joking." Piecey said.

"Sshh Joshu, Let's Head Back To The Group." With relief they all saw their friends. They ran up to them and after a happy reunion, Darsi spotted a door with shovelgirl's name on it. He casually leant against it, covering up the name plaque and said, "Oi shovelgirl. Look Inside This Door Please Shiela." shovelgirl peeked inside and Darsi shoved her in.

"What was that for? Let me out!" shovelgirl began to bang on the door. Darsi took his hand away and realised that the door didn't in fact say _SHOVELGIRLERB000_ but instead it said _DEGRASSI HIGH_. "Oh for the love of insanity please let me OUT! I can't bare it!"

"You'd better do as she says mate." Piecey knew what it was like to suffer shovelgirl's wrath.

"Oh Fine." Darsi opened the door and shovelgirl tumbled outside.

"It … was … horrible …" She started to mutter unintelligible things.

"Great. You broke her." Zerkoz commented.

"Did I?" Darsi scratched his head. Tigger tapped Zerkoz on the shoulder and pointed back the way they came.

"What is it? Oh. That." The whole group's eyes practically popped out of their heads as they saw the people that Fred, George and Luna had insulted.

**_"CHEESE IT!"_**


	33. EXTRA SPECIAL: JAILBREAK! Pt 4

**Chapter 33: EXTRA SPECIAL: JAILBREAK! Pt. 4 (shovelgirlERB000)**

**DISCLAIMER: WE DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER. HARRY POTTER BELONGS TO J.K. ROWLING.**

* * *

"CHARGE!" screamed McGonagall, leading the angry mob of previously tormented magical folk.  
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" someone on the not attacking side countered. The non-angry, and actually very scared, mob promptly sprinted in the opposite direction.  
Why are we retreating? Shovelgirl, who had partially recovered from her traumatic experience, sent him an incredulous look.  
"Because we're being chased by an angry mob with magic at their disposal. Besides, it's not retreating; we're just advancing in the opposite direction "

Makes sense. shrugged George. Red stunning spells fired down the corridor, and loud barking could be heard echoing down the hall.  
_Anybody else feel the need to 'advance the other way' faster?_Fred had a nervous grin on his face. Shovelgirl nodded, forcing herself to move

Twisting and turning, the small, terrified group ran past door after door after door. Shovelgirl stops instantly, huffing.  
"What the hell!? Why are we stopping here!?" Piecey angrily asked.  
"Hello? There are escape routes everywhere! Why not just go through one of these damn doors instead of running around like decapitated chooks?" she said angrily, gesturing wildly.  
**That's actually not a bad idea**

"Thanks; I wasn't Sorted into Slytherin for no reason, ya know," shrugged Shovelgirl

_**SLYTHERIN!**_ The Hogwarts students shouted, glaring incredulously at the girl they had locked in a wet, dark hole.  
"Sheesh, we aren't all evil, ya know. Get over yourselves," she huffs angrily  
**So that's where all the good ideas and terrifying threats come ...** mused Luna.  
_Why oh why did we not check with the Hat before messing with you people?_ Fred looked exasperated.  
You're EVIL!

Noises from the advancing mob grew louder with every passing second.  
"Argue with the lady who made the thing. As amusing as this idle chitchat is, I'd really like to not die so can we please go through one of these doors?" Shovelgirl said nonchalantly, although the situation was not dangerously life threatening, and an angry mob of magical folk was not stampeding in their general direction.

_Right, door_. Fred looked around, before beginning a game of eeny-meenie-miney-mo  
"HURRY UP!" Piecey yelled.  
"Oh, G'Day Shovel, Thanks For Writing Me In But I'm Sorry, Tigger, Pinkie, Jamie And I Really Must Be Off, I Suggest The Door Opposite The One We Go Through" Dark says waltzing up to a door mark "The Never Ending Jocularities Of Being In The Fourth Hall" opening it for his furred friends saying to Piecy "I'll See You At School Joshu" before walking through the door, locking it behind him.  
"I suppose that you want a chocolate brownie now? Oh, who am I kidding? I want one." Zerkoz whined.

The selected door swung open, and the mismatched group fell through, slamming it quickly. loud, angry people were attacking it, but as soon as it shut it began to shrink, disappearing entirely

**Well, I believe we have a new stage**, Luna said, trying to break the silence. Shovelgirl, zerkoz, piecey and Hermione exchanged worried glances, as random holes opened in the floor, swallowing the unfortunate inhabitants. The residents of the other hole were apparated into a seperate hole in the new stage, arguing nonstop.

Well, that's all for now. Let's hope we're safe... George reminisced on the sudden, dramatic change of plans.  
**Buh-bye, dear readers; we'll see you next time these lovely authors decided to grace you with an update!** said Luna with mock cheeriness, waving in the direction of the readers of this fanfic.


End file.
